i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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