There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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