now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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