Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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