You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
