I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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