Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
