This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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