there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
