I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
