I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
