This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
