I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
