now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
