I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
