I'm really into asian looking animals
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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