I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
