i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
