he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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