Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
