There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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