so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
