so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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