Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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