she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
