this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
