lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
