Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
