If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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