Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
