I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
