Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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