Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm at about main and main street
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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