From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
