just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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