I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
