Swine flu. Run for my life!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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