a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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