i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
