so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
