I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
