Got a toothbrush?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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