so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
