He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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