the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
