I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
