He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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