im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you had me at cake vodka
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
