Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
