I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
