who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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